For centuries, society has mulled over the what the apocalypse would look like. People have dreamt up theories such as zombies of being invaded by another species. Topics like the existence of extraterrestrial life or AI becoming self-aware are hypotheticals humanity has been arguing about for decades. However, looking toward space or technology has made society blind to the real threat: cats.
While their little paws and cute antics paint them as harmless pets, for centuries they’ve been planning a slow but sure takeover of the world.
When asked about the plausibility of a feline world domination, Los Osos High School junior Samantha Ziemienski stated she fully believed that it was within cats’ skillsets.
“Cats are always plotting something, which could ultimately lead to their eventual takeover,” said Ziemienski.
There is some dissent over whether cats are legitimately aliens or just an Earth-born species that happens to be taking over the world. Senior Veena Khasraw’s reasoning about her cat Misty’s origins comes from her suspicious behavior.
“A lot of times I’ve caught her staring at herself in the mirror. I think it might be her [way of sending] communication back home,” said Khasraw.
Senior Dylan Arreola corroborated the alien theory by sharing strange mannerisms he’d noticed from his own cat.
“I think it’s possible that she’s an alien. She disappears for a while at a time and doesn’t tell us much about her whereabouts.”
Junior Gricza Garnica went even further and speculated that cats and aliens are working together, “I’m sure they eventually met and decided that the best way to achieve both of their goals is to help each other out.”
Some are suspicious about the lack of evolution since cats were domesticated. According to AlleyCat.org, the first archaeological record of cats was found in Cyprus almost 10,000 years ago, and the cats alive during this time were almost identical to present-day cats.
This opposes the obvious physical difference that’s come from domesticating past animals, such as dogs.
Cats have made themselves important figures in many ancient civilizations, with Ancient Egypt being the most notable one.
While the notion that Ancient Egyptians worshiped cats is a false one, Egyptians indeed treated cats like sacred animals that acted as a symbol of the gods’ power. Some Ancient Egyptian deities, like Mafdet, Bastet, and Sekhmet were even portrayed with cat heads.
Another culture cats embedded themselves into is that of the Norse Vikings in northern Europe. Cats are depicted pulling the chariot of fertility goddess Freya in Norse Mythology.
Coincidentally, fertility was the same thing cats symbolized in Egypt.
After realizing how useful cats were in taking care of rodents that snuck onto ships, Vikings began taking cats with them on their journeys.
But the Vikings weren’t the only ones who adopted the practice of keeping cats on ships, in fact, most oceanic expeditions in history brought cats along with them.
Since then, cats have made their way around the globe and cemented themselves as a part of almost every ecosystem in the world. And every time the cats reached a new area, they began reproducing, which effectively created a significant amount of cats the world over.
The issue of rapid reproduction of cats has become such a serious issue that in 2022, Poland declared cats an invasive alien species.
Even now, cats have connections to fate and supernatural powers. The cat distribution system describes the phenomenon of people randomly finding cats that have bonded to them.
It’s become a common idea that finding a cat is a sign from the universe that it’s time to own a cat.
In fact, humans have accepted a lot of strange things about cats, like them having nine lives or always landing on their feet.
And once the cats have infiltrated a home, they subconsciously make their owners more and more fixated on cats as a whole. It’s happened so many times it gave birth to an entire trope; the “crazy cat lady”.
While the gravity of this slow and methodical takeover went unnoticed by humanity for the most part, it seems to be just the beginning in a larger scheme.
Senior Zeno Corfee speculated that cats plan on taking over the world by invading global diplomatic buildings, “All it takes is one cat lover to bring the first one onto national ground and boom! They take over the US and then they do the same for all other countries.”
“I think [cats] would be tyrannical rulers and would acquire their power the same way they got humans to like them so much—just being cute and silly and quirky. One day they’ll charm every single world leader and lock them out of their offices and everyone will think it’s too cute to get the cat out of office,” said Senior Jinx Haqqani.
And it seems both of their speculations may allude to a plan that’s been in motion for a long time.
Although the history of cats in the White House is a long one that leads back to Lincoln’s days in office, it seems that cats are becoming more aggressive in their approach. Our present First Cat, Willow Biden, was adopted after she walked on stage during one of President Biden’s campaign speeches.
While we do have time before we are forced to deal with the threat of a cat takeover, we should begin to recognize it in its early stages so we’re not blindsided when it’s too late.